Paging Jesse Katsopolis. Jesse Katsopolis, please report to center stage for your montage.
It’s a bit late for mercy. WOWZERS.
The Young Hoppers (5-0) put on an old fashioned circus of mashery while the Demand CurveBallers (1-5) just kind of sat there picking Cracker Jacks out of their teeth, ogling the brave lion tamers, the contortionists, and even the bearded lady (hello, Jeremy).
The Hoppers rang up the first three batters of the game and took to the batter’s box with the same efficiency. Lead off batter, Ricky Lewis, stepped to the plate and sent a screamer over the right fielder and straight into the parking lot. While Skillies usually wears rocketboots and flies around the bases, he took a casual strut on this one because it was my favorite Muppet. GONZO.
Things didn’t get better for the Demand CurveBallers on the next batter. Josh Bard stepped to the plate, connected with the first pitch in the strike zone, and sent it to summer camp. Bauercrest, muthaf*cka!
That poor right fielder didn’t know what to do.
The hits kept coming and the defense held strong. Another Jackson 5 kind of inning (easy as one-two-three) to send the CurveBallers packing, and then back to the Hoppers’ laser light show. PKEW! PKEW! PKEW!
The third inning, things really got out of hand. The Hoppers batted through the order, around-the-world and back again, putting up 12 runs before the madness ended. Notably, Jeremy Ferrara did NOT hit any home runs. He also did not run the bases. He’s also on vacation now. What a maroon.
After the fourth inning, the Hoppers led 24-1 and the ump called the game. Or, maybe it wasn’t really a game. The ump called off the dogs and called in the medic. Then the medic showed up and said there was nothing more he could do. Lights out, game over. Flatline.
The Hoppers take on Compelling Evidence of Slugging (0-5) tonight, 6pm on the Ellipse.